To start this post off, yes, I will in fact be talking about masturbation. My own specifically the experiences I have had related to jerking off and then diving into the realm of sexual education as a whole. So, let’s begin. Oh also this is gonna get incredibly corny in the end. You have been warned.
I can’t remember how old I was when I first came to know what the concept of masturbation was. I remember walking down my school hallway and talking to a boy who was a couple of years older than me when I was maybe 13 or 14 years old. I remember him telling me that most girls my age had now begun to masturbate so that their vaginas would be stretched out enough to accommodate a dick. My reaction was: “ewww that’s gross”. It did not occur to me that this was complete bullshit because girls might actually masturbate just for the sake of masturbating, not as an exercise to prepare them for sex. I didn’t see anyone going around throwing peaches and mangoes into the faces of boys telling them to lick those fruit dry as a preparation for when they’d eat pussy, so I feel like this is a double standard.
Maybe I was aware of the fact that masturbation was a thing and that boys sometimes did that. I can’t remember most of my sexual education but I do remember that our class had to be split up by gender, and some boys had to be thrown out because they laughed too hard when it came to discussions of what breasts were actually for. (Which we as a society are still struggling to comprehend as evident by the fact that infants are forbidden to suckle their mothers’ tits because grown up people get offended by breasts and nipples, ESPECIALLY when they’re portrayed in nonsexual, very biological ways).
But it came to be that when I was about 14 or 15 years old that I was in the shower washing myself and all of a sudden a finger slipped into a hole that had gone previously unnoticed as part of my anatomy. And it felt.. meh. Kinda weird, but still pretty good as well. But for god knows what reason (Society, Prejudice, Slutshaming, Lack of proper sex education, etc. etc) I felt awful. I was ruined, dirty, disgusting. This was filthy. I cried every time after. Which wasn’t all that frequently because I was so embarrassed and mortified by what I had done in the first place. It didn’t even feel that good, not surprising by the state of my mind-set regarding this particular activity. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it either I was so scared and ashamed. Finally after months and months of hating the very skin I walked in I finally summoned up the courage to ask my girlfriends if they ever masturbated. All of them said no. And I don’t know if it was the guilt or just the weight of hating myself that finally made me confess my crime. In which one by one they all confessed too.
This is bad. Young girls should not be taught that their bodies are filthy and dirty and wrong for them to enjoy for the sake of their own pleasure. Like that boy who thought it was perfectly logical that girls jerked off to prepare themselves for cock but never even bothered with the notion that these girls might actually be fucking loving it just for themselves. I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 17 and a half and by then I had already fucked two guys. Sex did not become good for me until even later than that. And I am so angry at everything and everyone around me that didn’t speak about my body in a way that it might be pleasing to me. I knew I could get pregnant, I knew I could get STD’s, I knew I could get raped. (Note that “I could GET RAPED”, not that “someone could RAPE ME”). But my body as a creature of own desire, longings of sexual explorations and acceptance wasn’t even mentioned.
Young girls deserve to know that exploring their own bodies is healthy and normal. Understanding what you feel like doing with yourself is amazing. And accepting that shouldn’t be this hard. I can’t even fully relax when I masturbate now because my vagina makes squishy noises, a perfectly natural, normal phenomenon. But for some reason I think it’s dirty or wrong or weird or unsexy.This lack of educating young people too that masturbation is normal and good and natural and happy and so so awesome for members of all types of genders and sexual orientations is outrageous.
Sex is good. Or it’s supposed to be. But how are we as young adults supposed to understand and enjoy sex when we’ve been told our whole lives that are own bodies are dirty? I’m not saying that all teenagers need to masturbate. I’m just saying that hey, you wanna go exploring go right ahead. Your hands won’t grow hair, Jesus won’t kill an angel or some religious crap, it might be weird at first and you might not know what to do with all that equipment but it’s your body and you should feel wonderful for all that it is.
And for those of you who are completely lost; some rough guide on how to masturbate: (I don’t know why but it turns out that this manual is written in a very, very idiot proof writing style, and also a bit hippie dippie, but hippies are full of love and that’s the message anyway so)
Step 1) Relax. You need to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible. Maybe turn on music if you’re afraid that people might hear you and that makes you uncomfortable, get under the sheets, get ontop of ‘em, get in the shower, sit at your laptop, just do whatever you feel most comfortable about. Maybe turn off your phone and lock the door too.
Step 2) You need to be sexually aroused, if you have a vagina that means lubricated or wet and if you have a penis that means hard. Now how to become aroused is a different matter. Everybody has their own thing, personally I recommend some saucy fanfiction, audios or erotic readings. It’s all about feeling good about your own body. If you get off on porn that’s fine, just remember that porn very rarely reflects real life interaction between two or more people and can often be sexist and harmful, dive in carefully.
Step 3) Grab the thing and do stuff with it. This is the fun part; EXPLORE! After a couple of tries you’ll probably know what’s good for you and what isn’t but this is the part where you’re gonna have to do some work yourself. I can’t magically tell you what kind of pressure, pace or technique is gonna work best for you. So seriously, just do something and if it feels good keep doing it. You can throw in some toys if you’d like, I can’t get off on my fingers alone so this is absolutely vital to me (if you don’t have a toy and want one- go buy one! Takes courage oh god I know, it shouldn’t but sex is so incredibly stigmatized in our society that just the concept of buying a dildo is enough to make my stress skyrocket. (If you’re not old enough to buy a toy you can ask someone who is to help you oooooooor just go in yourself since they probably won’t check your age unless you’re obviously like 8 or something, worked for me)).
So this is pretty much the gist of it. Otherwise google is a lifesaver.
Alright then! Go ahead and masturbate! Your body is beautiful and amazing and you should do with it what feels good for you. Happy jerking off.